The sun rose calmly over the long stretch of mountains in the Fijian islands as my team climbed into our van and departed for Nawaka Church. The week of missions here was beginning to wrap up, and I was definitely feeling tired this morning. And it was more than just the jet lag. This morning I felt heavy in weariness, exhausted to the point where my heart felt tired.
Leaning hard against the back of my seat, I breathed a prayer to God: a plea for a renewed spirit and that I would not grow tired of doing good. Because we had already been serving throughout the week in children’s ministry and manual labor. And it felt like there was nothing left to give: I felt completely empty.
As I found myself in this space of holding nothing, I realized this was really where I’d always been. But in this moment, I could see it perfectly clear: I had nothing to offer. My hands were held out, completely empty before God. I felt totally drained of my own strength so that I didn’t even have the internal push to keep driving forward. “God,” I whispered, “You’ve got to be my everything.”
Resting my head against the window, I sighed slowly, strangely at peace in finding the end of myself, because in that space, I knew I had no one else to turn to but God: the Source of everything good. And although I was about to enter another opportunity to serve, my heart wasn’t troubled because everything I would need would come from the Father.
He is the complete essence of goodness, peace, love, kindness, faithfulness, provision, satisfaction, so everything good comes from Him. Then everything I had–every new day, every opportunity, every breath–was grace: something wonderful and completely undeserved.
This new mindset changed the way I saw the world. Everything was a gift–special, beautiful, out of the deepest part of God’s heart. God shows His love to me in everything around me–every sunrise and every single experience of living throughout each day. They are all gifts that I don’t deserve. So, in the depths of my emptiness, I see His fullness and generous grace.